Covid-Ode Weeks 41-50


A Happy and Healthy New Year to you all, hoping your Christmas went well
I gather some parcels are still ‘in the post’, but precisely where they can’t tell
BUT because Carol’s present was delivered so late
The Suppliers have sent her a duplicate
The snow and ice look very nice when looking through the window
But it’s bitterly cold when you go out and those North Easters blow
The Beast from the East is on his way to add to all our troubles
And now we’re all in Tier 4 which completely bursts our bubble

To cheer ourselves we thought we’d go to see the murmuration
Of thousands of starlings in the sky, but talk about frustration
We spotted some small groups of birds which flew out of the woods
To join up altogether, we thought, “this promises to be good”
Imagine then the dismay and our feeling of rejection
When those flaming birds then flew off in the opposite direction

Back to normal shopping now, or so I thought, guess what?
No eggs and no bananas they’d sold the flipping lot
No problems getting toilet rolls, the panic must be over
But whilst chatting to a pharmacist a strange fact I did discover
He’d just received a message a world shortage has occurred
Of a popular make of laxative, now isn’t that absurd\/
We’ve all been moved to Tier 5, not my choice of destination
And now we’re waiting in the queue for the Covid vaccination


We’ve had some lovely walks this week the scenery was fantastic
The snowy hills and sunsets make you feel enthusiastic
Along then came the frost which made the pavements really dicey
The temperatures below zero and the canal completely icey
The towpath attracts dog lovers, hikers, cyclists too
And also it would seem a place for dumping doggy poo
Bags of it thrown on the ice, it really is a sin
Is it really too much trouble to throw it in the bin?

The paths along the shore are getting wider every day
Worn away by all the crowds who come to see the Bay
Thermos flasks are back in fashion, picnic baskets too
Friends chat, carefully distanced, well, what else is there to do
But now I feel obliged to give you all a word of warning
This is true, I read it in the newspaper this morning
Two close friends in their own cars drove 5 miles to meet
On a lakeside car park , it would be a special treat
They both parked very carefully, left 2 spaces in between
As they stepped out, imagine this, a terrifying scene
A squad of policemen rolled right up, the girls were both surrounded
“You’ve gone too far, must pay a fine”, Are you, like me, astounded?

We are going for our vaccines, we received a text today
To Lancaster University, and I really have to say
The booking was so easy, plenty of choice and all online
What more could you ask for during this chaotic time
The NHS are crying out for help with vaccinations
But volunteers are experiencing serious frustration
Hours and hours of study, stacks of forms to be completed
Unrelated questions and red tape leaves them defeated
Someone who has qualified still awaits the call
Precious time is wasted in the fight to help us all
Now, on a more light -hearted note, I read in The Telegraph
An 83 year old lady, (well you really have to laugh)
Was asked if she was pregnant before being given the vaccine
But I suppose that all the questions are just part of the routine


Now here is my confession for all Covid Ode fans
For the next 7 days I am making my plans
Documentaries will be taking up much of my time
But in view of restrictions it is not such a crime
Here is my schedule for the week yet to come
But it might seem a little bit boring for some
“Escape to the Country” and “Escape to the Sun”
“Escape to the Chateau” and when that is done
“Grand Designs” and “Building the Dream”
Not always as easy as it might seem

“Inside the Ritz “and the “Savoy Hotel”
The luxury and grandeur might help to dispel
The gloom and despair of the updates each day
When will they have something cheerful to say?
Now onto some programmes to avoid like the plague
Please pardon the pun, if offence I have made
“24 Hours in A and E”, “Nightmare next Door Neighbours”
“One Born every Minute” watching women during labour!!!?
“Doctor Pimple Popper”, I should give that one a miss
“Embarrassing Bodies“, yet another on the list
Moving on to things more positive the coming weeks should bring
Days that are much lighter and the welcome signs of Spring
Snowdrops already blooming and daffs not far behind
Temperatures warmer, not of the Arctic kind
Bring on the vaccinations, a ray of hope for you and me
And hopefully a quick return to how life used to be


All the fours, that’s 44, I really can’t believe it
But whatever happens I’m determined to achieve it
I refer to writing weekly verse to dispel the doom and gloom
And make sure I don’t refer too much to “the elephant in the room”
No bad reactions to our jabs, apart from a sore arm
All carried out efficiently, the atmosphere was calm
We were asked to sit for a quarter hour to check we were OK
Then that was it and very soon we both were on our way
The days seemed dark and dismal so I ordered plants online
The picture looked so colourful, they were delivered right on time
I opened up the box, so neatly packed, my spirits fell
Not a single flower to be seen, a few dead heads as well
My message to the seller really didn’t do much good
So I thought well, never mind, they will soon look as they should
Well, a few weeks down the line I have some cheering news for you
At last the plants are flowering, but alas there’s only two
Don’t read the press or watch the news it will make you feel depressed
One journalist says something then is contradicted by the rest
‘Repeat vaccinations should now be just 3 weeks apart’
To conquer the mutating strains, where do these rumours start
Let us leave it to the experts, they are the ones who know
Stick to the rules, they may be hard but that’s the way to go
And now something light-hearted to finish with a laugh
A tale about a friend of mine whose husband made a gaff
He said that he would make some soup, a job he’d never tried
But it shouldn’t be a problem it would be an easy ride
She left him to get on with it and then when she came back
She just could not believe it, thought of giving him the sack
He said “ I’ve cooked the veggies, done exactly as I oughter
But what do I do with them now I’ve drained off all the water?”


We have been planning to re-decorate and would tackle it ourselves
Perhaps prepare a mood board, matching carpet, lamps and shelves
We spent an age in Homebase and came home with our selection
But when I started on the ceiling I had a feeling of dejection
The colour we had chosen did not go with anything
A few strong words were muttered, but no one was listening
The wallpaper we’d chosen was a lovely duck egg blue
A big mistake, we realised, it simply would not do
I packed up ladders, sheets and paint, soaked brushes in a bucket
The emulsion was on everything so I carefully took it
Outside to clean off with the hose, but it had frozen overnight
The bucket split in half, the water splattered left and right
When all the mess had been cleaned up I got my mobile phone
And phoned the decorator, who I’m pleased to say was home
He has agreed to come and rescue us from decorating hell
And we’re happy the new wallpaper will match up very well.

Did you hear about the tunnel being constructed secretly
The entrance hidden by a tent, surely this can’t be
Nobody had noticed and they say it’s all connected
With the building of the HS2 to which people have objected
It’s been going on for quite a while, close to Euston station
Now the secret is revealed it has created consternation
How did they get away with it as it rapidly took shape
Perhaps they were inspired by the film The Great Escape
And PS re the tunnel, I read in the press today
They are going to get the hoses out and flush them all away!

We have watched some different programmes this week on the TV
Here are a couple I thought that you may also like to see
Helvellyn filmed throughout the year must surely not be missed
And Mountain, shown on BBC4, worth adding to the list
But you need a head for heights and more, it is scary stuff to view
They have no fear, live on the edge, they dice with death, that’s true
And don’t forget to view the sky and see the full Wolf moon
A welcome light in these dark days, Spring will be with us soon


I am having problems with PayPal, I cannot remember my pin
The WI are running Zoom evenings its five quid if you want to join in
Tried finding my Password via Google, things then became quite absurd
I could not log in on that either, I’ve forgotten my Google password!

What kind of mask are you wearing there’s a debate going on re the best
Blue ones, home made ones or surgical they all have been put to the test
The outcome is simply ridiculous, apparently they have discovered
They are only effective when (wait for it) you wear one on top of another

Sad news today of Captain Tom a well deserv-ed Knight
Despite his advanced age he ‘soldiered on’ and fought the fight
Not only in the Army but in the Covid battle too
As he approached 100 there was something he would do
With his trusty ambulator, strong resolve, and with a SMILE
He would walk a hundred laps each day, clock up 100 miles
The whole Nation sponsored him, he achieved beyond his goal
32 million for the nhs, we all say, GOD REST HIS SOUL

Boris is trying very hard to bring a bit of cheer
Soon the pubs can serve up food but they cannot sell us beer


The NatWest Bank is going green they got in touch with Bob
We could have future contact by email, “sounds like a good job”
Relevant boxes we duly ticked, just think what we could do
Save lots of trees, less paper waste and our carbon footprint too
The postman dropped our letters off, nothing for me today
But for Bob an envelope from NatWest who were writing him to say
All his correspondence will be sent to him online
But the message filled 3 pages, what a silly waste of time
The weather has been Arctic, my garden pots are frozen solid
The cyclamen and violas seem dead and look quite horrid
We have moved them to the garage and as they gradually thaw out
They’ll create a lovely indoor garden of that there is no doubt
Holidays are off the cards but we can’t wait to make that booking
Statistics look quite promising and I have to say it’s looking
Much better for the future now we’ve all been vaccinated
BUT! Here’s a situation that makes me worried and frustrated
A lady returning from Africa expected security would be tight
As it’s one of the known countries where a new variant is at its height
She was not checked or challenged she simply passed straight through
Perhaps with others on her flight who were left unchallenged too
No cold North Eastern winds today, but South Westerlies can be heard
They’re really strong, and I am so glad that I am not a bird
As I watch a struggling seagull trying hard to keep on track
As fast as he goes forward he is cruelly blown straight back
We should have been in Tenerife we go this time each year
But we’ll have to look at photos to try and bring some cheer
Turn up the central heating, cool the wine and don the ‘shades’
It’s Valentines Day but I think romance may have just begun to fade
As Bob has planned a secret treat, we are going for a spin
To the Carnforth Recycling Centre, so let the fun begin!!!!


This week I am short of things to say, this lockdown’s never-ending
The weather is diabolical, so lots of time we’re spending
Sorting wardrobes, cupboards, drawers, throwing things away
We have booked a share in a mini skip so we’ll have to make it pay
Now things look so tidy and we’ve created lots of space
We have realised that there are some problems we must face
We can’t remember what is where and we discovered yesterday
That something we really need right now we have sadly thrown away
The Bolton le Sands Spar shop will sadly close today
A different Covid “victim” it will take the heart away
From a village which has had a shop for 50 years or more
When finally locked and boarded up it will become a new eyesore
And now a bit of silliness, well we all can do with that
To Bryony Gordon in the Telegraph, I gratefully doff my hat
Here’s her Roadmap out of lockdown, sit back, enjoy the fun
Cynical it may be, let’s begin with number one
In March your kids can go to school but there will be no lessons
So the horrors of homeschooling can be discussed during these sessions
In April if you’re planning to book a cottage somewhere nice
I think maybe before you do just consider this advice
As a visitor, the locals may try to give a message loud and clear
On a placard clearly written “We do not want your Variant here”
In May the furlough system to October would be extended
But Rishi Sunak has not made it clear exactly what’s intended
He’s being cautious by not stating just how long this would be
Is he talking October this year or October ‘23?

A puzzle now to finish off make as many words as you can
From the letters in Covid pandemic that’s my “cunning plan”


Whatever is happening North of the Border, sounds terribly fishy to me
A battle ‘twixt Salmond and Sturgeon, who knows what the outcome will be
This week has been quite UNAMAZING which leaves me with not much to say
I have gleaned a few tales to amuse you, heard this on the radio today
A Surgeon from the States of America has created a worldwide sensation
By attending an official meeting online as he carried out an operation
Speaking with the family yesterday, they had had a bit of a fright
They heard a big commotion in the middle of the night
As they started to investigate (things now get quite funny)
Their cat called Tiger had brought indoors a very lively bunny
The pair were tearing around the room, behind the cupboards too
Eventually when the chase was stopped all they had to do
Was return the rabbit to the wild, he escaped into the woods
Everyone went back to bed the outcome looked quite good
BUT! they got up the next morning , and were quite shocked at what they saw
The remains of the poor rabbit were scattered on the floor
They think an owl had caught it then it was picked up by the cat
Who demolished all but teeth and fur, that was the end of that
Although it’s not official yet, Spring is here once more
We’ve seen buttercups and snowdrops and crocuses galore
Pussy willow, catkins and some camellias too
The birds have started nesting, daffodils are shining through
We count the days to March the 8th and the relaxing of some rules
And thankfully the problem solved concerning all the schools
But it always seems to happen, one step forward 2 steps back
A brand new variant from Brazil is now on the attack
A big rush to book holidays, full refunds guaranteed
A great escape from Lockdown is exactly what we need
Some countries are blacklisted and are still not on the scene
Don’t book for a Brazilian, now, now, you all know what I mean!!


The kids are back at school today so life is moving on
We’re allowed to meet a friend outside, now that the sunshine’s gone
We cannot book new holidays until we get ‘certificated’
Are we allowed our re-booked trip, so long anticipated
Our grand kids say it is 22 sleeps until we get together
When a group of six can meet outside, let’s hope for some good weather
This time last year a heatwave saved us all from going mad
Whilst outside in the garden things did not feel quite so bad
A year has passed in Lockdown, although we have adapted well
But the time has come to be released from this never ending hell
As Bard I need to up my game, a new Pam Ayres book is out
Which makes my job more difficult of that there is no doubt
The book includes a quote from Boris saying“ All has not been lost
(Wait for it folks!) the crocuses are poking through the frost”

Now here’s a prime example of taking things too far
A Tesco shopper with her child was loading up her car
When a Warden issued her with a fine of exactly 100 smackers
The little girl had dropped some crumbs whilst eating her cream crackers

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