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Autumn2020

Covid-Ode Weeks 31 and counting

WEEK 31

Christmas is coming and the shops are decorated
But they say it will be digital, plans could be decimated
One household, it’s reported, have installed their Christmas lights
I suppose they will look welcome on a dark and soggy night
The clocks go back tomorrow, no rush for you to rise
But I have to be quite honest, it may come as no surprise
That we have been staying later in our warm and cosy bed
If we had something to get up for we’d rise earlier instead
For 7 months we’ve worn our masks, stayed socially distanced
Cancelled holidays, parties, wedding plans at the Government insistence
Now in tiers, not the ones you shed, are we 1 or 2 or 3
Just where we can or cannot go is a mystery to me
Enough of doom and gloom for now, I have read the Telegraph
I simply can’t believe my eyes, at least it made me laugh
No selling eggs or flour just now, because of Halloween
In case the kids make flour bombs, one way to let off steam
Do you remember mischief night, a game of ‘knock and run’
In these dark days it’s just the same, they need a little fun
In Wales the non essential shops must close, and one thing more
Supermarkets must cordon off some things they sell in store
Electric goods plus clothes and toys, bedding and furniture too
If you are resident in Wales all these are banned for you
But batteries, light bulbs, rubber gloves have been given the all clear
And the best news for those folks in Wales, the Stores can still sell beer
If you love to go to London for night life and ambience
A new law is in the pipeline which does not make any sense
Talented street entertainers, could find their lives are sorely changed
Banned from juggling with fire or knives to keep us entertained
That well known duo Healthy and Safety may sadly seal their fate
Supposedly to keep us safe, thanks to our Nanny State
Do you have a stock of masks, because if you are running low
Get yourself down to the shop there is just a week to go
VAT is coming back, so I thought that I should mention
Prices will rise by 20 per cent after six months of suspension

WEEK 32

Pardon me for the delay, I am running out of things to say!

The last day of October, we have now reached Halloween
Without the trick or treating, a very different scene
The kids will be rewarded for each pumpkin they can spot
As they walk around the village BUT this year they cannot
Play bobbing for the apples, and we all have to remember
Bonfire night is cancelled on the 5 th day of November
We will all be back in lockdown, whether we like it or do not
But we must stay positive, give it all that we have got

(Sung to the tune of MEMORY with apologies to Lloyd Webber)

Midnight, not a sound from the night clubs
City streets are deserted, we must all stay at home
We cannot eat out but we can order a takeaway meal
But cannot share it, must dine alone
If you fancy a pint, they are closing all of the pubs
But the ‘offies’ are open, you can buy wine or beer
But you cannot share it with folks who do not live in your house
It’s such a pity, it could drive you to tears
***

I started Christmas shopping on Saturday for a change
Everywhere was fully stocked, a most impressive range
But once again non essential stores will have to lock their doors
Back to online shopping for the gifts for you and yours
Why not choose something that’s different, forget the Christmas socks
Have a search on Google and find a site which stocks
Xmas masks, hand sanitisers , visors , rubber gloves
Sprays to kill all household germs with a perfume that you love
Make sure you fill up your free time and stay within your bubble
Plait some sawdust, chew a brick to keep you out of trouble

WEEK 33

I am running out of things to do, I tidied out the cupboard
I found bags of ancient greetings cards, I really was quite staggered
Two hours later and I had recalled happy times gone by
My 21st, Engagement, Marriage, 55 years flown by
Memories all came flooding back, forgotten names recalled
They will mean nothing to our family, why do we keep them all
Torrents of rain have fallen and they have surely left their mark
Roads and fields are flooded, but where is Noah and his ark?
Denis vented all his wrath, a trail of devastation
We’re all locked down in Tier 3 which adds to the frustration
Amidst it all my eyes look up and search the skies above
Is it true or do I dream, I can surely see a dove
He’s carrying a message which could cause severe dejection
Depending on who wins the US President Election
My birthday is not far away and for a special treat
We had booked a night in Windermere, a location hard to beat
The price was right and our bedroom would overlook the lake
Dinner was included and I would take my birthday cake
Well, guess what! it’s been cancelled, just like our special cruise
I’m hoping that December will bring us better news
Whenever there’s a problem someone always comes off best
They seem to find a loophole which is hidden from the rest
Go to your nearest airport, book a flight for just £10
Yes, the cost has fallen now that Covid is around
You do not need to travel, you can just stay where you are
And enjoy a legal bevy in the good old Airport Bar
Did you in your younger days ever stop to think
That you would simply love to own a coat of pure mink
Maybe you have heard the news, it really is quite horrid
Minks must be destroyed because they spread the dreaded Covid
Just off the press, the battle is won between Donald and Joe Biden
What a relief it’s now all over regardless of what side you are on

WEEK 34

I had a sudden urge to bake a coconut and raspberry cake
Surely the recipe can’t be right or should I blame it on my sight
It says you use a 20” tin, but that would make it far too thin
I double checked, ‘twas a mistake, 20cms was the right size for this cake
I am Zooming here and Zooming there but I’m not going anywhere
I missed the Moonshot, too much trouble
But I am still in someone’s bubble
I keep my distance, wear a mask
And try to do everything I am asked
But the only thing which will be my saviour
Is being let out for good behaviour
I have lived in this village for 55 years
But today I feel quite close to tears
This place has always had a heart
But life is tearing it apart
We have always had a local shop
But maybe this is going to stop
I see that it is up for sale
And in addition there’s a tale
That we could also lose our pub
For years it’s been the local hub
When we are ‘unlocked’ perhaps we’ll find
There is very little left behind
To Grasmere we would take a ride upon the Stagecoach 555
We’d pack a sandwich and a flask not forgetting our face masks
But on reading the Westmorland Gazette
We were shocked to learn that we could get
A hefty fine, over £500, for travelling beyond our own home town
Needless to say we stayed at home and through the local woods did roam
The wind did blow and it poured with rain
But we won’t make plans like that again
Something more positive has appeared on the scene
At last they’ve discovered a Covid vaccine
Which could mean that we head in the right direction
Confident we have some form of protection
Finally we saw yesterday, police stopping motorists on their way
Don’t go too far, it could be you ‘Stay home’ is the wisest thing to do

WEEK 35

I have started feeling very harassed
Due to being confined to barracks
The awful weather makes it worse
Time to put my thoughts in verse
How do I spend my leisure time
Without committing a Lockdown crime?

I have been watching so much telly it would come as no surprise
If I looked into the mirror and saw I had square eyes

In normal times our calendar is full most every day
But now each square is empty I am very sad to say
But just to make quite certain I thought I’d double check
I should be at the dentist’s!!! I become a nervous wreck
Get dressed quickly, brush my teeth, I know that I must hurry
More haste less speed, it just won’t help to get into a flurry
I double check to confirm the time, at the calendar I peek
I just cannot believe it my appointment is next week

Wednesday morning, still in bed, refreshing cup of tea
Morning paper, crossword puzzles, lazy as can be
Mobile rings, I answer it, ‘Where is Bob’ they say
We’re all on Zoom, did he forget the meeting is today
It’s not too late, come in your jimjams, nobody will mind
(They do not know he doesn’t wear ‘em, not the jimjam kind)
Without hesitation Bob grabs the notes he’s written down
And joins the meeting, slightly late, and in his dressing gown

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